Monday, December 6, 2010 { 1:02 AM }

i come to your grave everyday...
to talk to you.
people tell me you can't hear me because your gone.
i just tell them you might be gone in their eyes but not in mine
because your still in my heart
and you will always be...

i cry when i think of you
but people ask me why....
i just tell them
how i feel about you and that
i still love you and that
and i miss you so much..

But people just tell me
there is no point
in still loving you
because your gone
and you will never be coming back
and i agree with them

you are gone
but you will never
be forgotten and one day
we will meet again
i promise.....

i pray to God every night
asking him to keep you safe
and i talk to him about meeting you again

i wanted to kill myself
just so i could see your face again in HEAVEN
but then i knew you wouldn't want me to do that
i try to be happy
but i can't when i
know that i won't
hear your voice for a long time

i always thought i could live without you
but i really feel i can't
i never thought you would have left me
my mum say you never left me,
God just needed an angel
i ask God can i be her next angel so i can be with you...
but he never replies

i even ask God,WHY...
why did he have to take you
and make me feel hurt so much
i don't think anyone really knows how
much it hurts to be missing you
i hate you not being around

i wish i could even see you one last time...
so i could say goodbye
no one understands me anymore
no one understands that i will always love you..
i never knew this would have happened

NO ONE DID...
i wish that...
that i could look back on the good times with you
but that has all gone
everything has change
and even thinking about it makes me want to cry
cry so much...
but my mum tells me not to cry
she told,you were looking over me and you wouldn't
want me to cry...
i tell her i'm sorry
all i can do is...cry...
she told me i could look back
at the good memories

but i said i can't do
that without her
because i need her to be with me
while we look back
and then she says why
so i replied i need
to see her smile and
feel her touch while
we smile together and look at the good memories
then mum said,why don't you tell me and her the good memories
but then i tell her i wish i could tell HER
she told me i can because you will always be there with me
then she said you would never give up on me cos you love me to much
and i love you....


PS: i promise i will find a new replace in my heart. No one could replace HER.♥

Labels: im still faithful with you.

Sunday, August 1, 2010 { 9:45 AM }

Life have been so complicated for me. what i need is a prefect map to walk my journey in my life. everything seem like a battlefield now. what i need to face is just a War that doesn't seem to stop and my world will not gonna be peace. Maybe i am the one who make things such so complicated. Relationship?! i just need to wake up and deeply understand the meaning of that. But what i see is there's nothing got to chance in my relationship. Maybe im worry for no reason. Due to lack of spending time and seem to understand each other. What is happening is Jealousy and Complaint for others. That's the main problem i will always be facing. but nothing seem to overcome or change. Days by weeks,things keep the same. im stuck and i can't get myself out. i just wanna being myself. Whom i socialize and share my joy with. Maybe the expectation is high enough,that i myself easily get bored.I miss mixing around and meeting new friends.Laughter and Smiling super wide is always been a routine for me.but i just feel that,its gone for a moment. People keep asking me.Fiee why u change after having someone in your life. i told them that ,i wanna be the best boyfriend for my girlfriend. truly they supported me to the fullest. Weeks by weeks.And even months.always facing the same old thing. im not accepting more. but there's nothing new coming up for me. Maybe your life and mine is far too different. You got 7 times more socialize then me. Sometimes i have to lie just to meet my friends. everytime i meet them, you will give me that unhappy emotion and make me the most guilty boyfriend for you. sometimes you just push things over the limit that i even can't take it anymore. but i endure and always be patience just to keep myself strong in relationship. Cos i don't wanna repeat the same old things and end up with regret. Being regret is the most painful thing for me. Yeah! sometimes i club, this is all because im stress with my life. i know there's many solution i can do. But the solution is my friends who i need to make me strong in my relationship. But u put a guide line that i feel so tangle and can't get myself through it. Yeah! its true fiee is so emotion. Emotion that he even doesn't want to make his relationship affected by his own mistake. but you push it over the limit. i have been repeating tons of times to you. and you told me that you would understand my needs. But when i need it, you just think about yourself. When u told me,who i am to you. and i proudly announce and declare to you that,Im Your Boyfriend. When i was just by your side, nothing seem special but a deep hurts to myself. do u know that i treasure every meet-up? maybe you doesn't concern about that. i feel so paranoid getting back to camp for 6 days. and meet u for just ones a week. further more if i got stuff in my camp. 2 weeks meet up. I just feel like a prisoner without love. maybe i make u suffered. but then remember my love won't change. Till now u still have that awkward feelings towards me. i only get a HUG, 2 months ones. 3 to 4 months of a prefect kiss?! i doesn't feel so much till now. i miss those moment in our first 2 months. i told you before everything is prefect for the first 2 months. *suffering*

Labels: LOVE CRACK